Do you remember the first time you fell in love? Chances are if you are an adult, you do. You remember the rush of feelings, the anticipation of seeing that person, shared laughter, and the moments of pure joy. But do you remember when you fell in love with yourself? Chances are you don’t. There is no explosion of emotions or giddiness that occurs, but oftentimes, we learn to love someone else first before discovering the importance of self-love.
Personally, I think that you have to learn how to love someone else before you love yourself, but I believe that love should start with your family! Family love can be the strongest bonds we ever form in life. They help us learn who we are and who we don’t want to be. Family teaches us a lot about relationships, love, and trust. Not every person is fortunate enough to have a loving home life, but regardless, I want every teen to learn how to practice self-love.
Too often, teens think that if they find the right person to date, this will fill some hole. It will make high school worth the effort, their social life will improve, and they will always have a date for the dance. The problem is that often teens only look at the positives they gain and not the potential damage that can occur from unhealthy relationships. They don’t think about their self-esteem becoming worse or about putting more energy and time into their partner than into themselves. This is why cultivating self-love is so essential.
Why Loving Yourself is Essential
Self-love is crucial for a multitude of reasons, but here are a few of the most important (not in any particular order):
- You know what you will and won’t accept from others. If you practice self-love, you will not allow others to put you down or treat you poorly. You know your value, and you won’t settle for less!
- Your attitude is positive, and you have confidence! Confidence and a positive attitude can lead you to do anything you want. When you embrace self-love, you recognize your power and know that things will work out for you in all aspects of your life.
- You trust your decisions. You don’t have a fear of making the wrong choice. You understand the importance of making choices (not relinquishing choices to someone else), and you also know that you can make more choices when you have a strong foundation of self-love!
- You know how to love others! You understand the value and power of love, so you love the people around you. With self-love, you know that it can’t always be about you and your wants. You are willing to let it be about others, and you give support when needed.
Love can do wonders! Why wouldn’t you want to see that power in how you love yourself? You deserve the best kind of love, and that means practicing self-love! So how do you do it?
Build Yourself Up!
BUILD YOURSELF UP! Create your own mantra. A mantra is something that you repeatedly tell yourself. It can be multiple sentences or it can be just one. The mantra is something that you want to tell yourself every day! Here are a couple of examples:
I don’t have to do what my friends are doing. I can just be me.
I am capable of trying new things.
If I make a mistake, it is an opportunity to learn.
I am beautiful, caring, loving, and worthy.
I don’t have to be an A/B student to make a difference.
No matter what happens in life, I am worth it.
I love who I am and who I am becoming.
I am a good person regardless of my mistakes.
My grades do not define me.
I am handsome, kind, and easy-going.
Forgive Yourself
FORGIVE YOURSELF. If I let my mistakes during my teen years define who I was, then I would not be where I am today. We all make mistakes, but the biggest question you have to ask yourself is: have I learned from my mistake?
If the same mistake keeps happening over and over again, that means you haven’t learned the lesson yet!
Forgiveness is key, though. I had to forgive myself for thinking that I was letting my family down. I had to acknowledge that I was upset with myself for letting myself down. I started telling myself that I’m human and we all make mistakes. I started to try and live a life where I could be happy with myself at the end of the day, and if I wasn’t happy with myself, I asked how I could make tomorrow a better day. This process is all part of practicing self-love.
Heal from the Past
HEAL FROM THE PAST. It could be family problems, friendships that hurt you, or a teacher that seemed to have an issue with you for no reason. Regardless of what has happened in the past, it is important that you work to heal from it. Sometimes people think that to heal, you have to forgive someone who hurt you, but sometimes you need to acknowledge that it was out of your control.
We can’t help if our parents get a divorce, and we can’t control a teacher who doesn’t match with our personality. Yet, we can work on letting go of the past and moving on. If you are struggling with moving forward, you may need counseling support to help you move forward. For more on this, Nurturing Hope and Resilience: A Guide for Young Adults Facing Isolation can offer some helpful strategies.
Change Your View of Failure
CHANGE YOUR VIEW OF FAILURE. Failure is learning that you need to find a different way of going about something. If you get an F on a test, it means that you didn’t know the material. It doesn’t mean that you are stupid or incapable. The problem becomes, though, that too often teens let their “perceived failures” define who they are.
Some of the smartest teens I have ever worked with did not do well in academics.
This, to me, shows that the education system maybe hasn’t caught up with some of the smartest minds. (Read our blog on Tackling Poor Grades In Your Teen: Not Your Typical Approach to find more of my thoughts). To change your view on failure, you should say something positive after making a mistake or failing at something. If you take a hard class, instead of saying, “I will never get this,” say to yourself, “I’m in a hard class, but I’m going to keep trying.” If you try something new, instead of saying, “I suck,” say to yourself, “I’m proud of myself for trying something new.” This shift in mindset is a key aspect of self-love.
Love Yourself How You Want to be Loved
PRACTICE LOVING YOURSELF HOW YOU WOULD WANT TO BE LOVED. Be kind, caring, and thoughtful to yourself. If your inner thoughts are filled with putting yourself down, then you have to work on being kind to yourself. No one would want to be treated like a piece of garbage, so don’t treat yourself that way. Treat yourself!
Don’t wait for someone to buy you candy and flowers. If you love those things, why not buy them for yourself? Why wait?!
Practice good hygiene—would you want to date someone who showered every four days? I hope not. Then don’t wait that long to shower yourself. If you like how girls wear perfume, then look into different colognes. Work on doing the things you like or would want your partner to do! We attract who we are, and so if you don’t shower, you are likely going to attract someone who doesn’t either. If you talk poorly about yourself, likely you will meet someone who talks poorly to themselves and who will talk poorly to you! Practice what you want! This approach to self-love ensures that you set the standard for how you want to be treated by others.
Final Thoughts
Loving yourself is the foundation for building healthy relationships and a fulfilling life. It’s a journey that starts with small steps—like creating a mantra, forgiving yourself, and healing from past hurts. By changing your perspective on failure and practicing the kind of love you want to receive, you can cultivate a deep and lasting self-love. Remember, this isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing process that will evolve as you grow. And as you learn to love yourself more fully, you’ll find that you’re better equipped to love others and face the challenges that life throws your way.
For additional guidance on building self-love and confidence, check out the Mayo Clinic’s guide on self-esteem and self-confidence. This resource provides practical tips for improving self-esteem and maintaining a positive self-image.
