Do you remember the first time you fell in love? Chances are if you are an adult, you do. You remember the rush of feelings, the anticipation of seeing that person, shared laughter, and the moments of pure joy. Do you remember when you fell in love with yourself? Chances are you don’t. There is no explosion of emotions or giddiness that occurs, but often times we learn to love someone else first.
Personally, I think that you have to learn how to love someone else before you love yourself BUT I think that love should be your family! Family love can be the strongest bonds we ever form in life. They help us learn who we are and who we don’t want to be. Family teaches us a lot about relationships, love, and trust. Not every person is fortunate enough to have a loving home life, but regardless, I want every teen to learn how to love themselves.
Too often teens think that if they find the right person to date that this will fill some hole. It will make high school worth the effort, their social life will improve, and they will always have a date for the dance. The problem is that often times teens only look at the positives they gain and not the potential damage that often can occur from unhealthy relationships. They don’t think about their self-esteem becoming worse or about putting more energy and time into their partner than into themselves.
Why Loving Yourself is Essential
Loving yourself is crucial for a multitude of reasons, but here are few of the most important reasons (not in any particular order):
You know what you will and won’t accept by others. If you love yourself you will not allow others to put you down or treat you poorly. You know your value and you won’t settle for less!!
Your attitude is positive and you have confidence! Confidence and a positive attitude can lead you to do anything you want. You recognize your power and you know that things will work out for you in all aspects of your life.
You trust your decisions. You don’t have a fear of making the wrong choice. You understand the importance of making choices (not relinquishing choices to someone else). Yet you also know that you are able to make more choices!
You know how to love others! You understand the value and power of love so you love the people around you. You know that it can’t always be about you and your wants. You are willing to let it be about others and you give support when needed.
Love can do wonders! Why wouldn’t you want to see that power in how you love yourself? You deserve the best kind of love AND that means loving yourself! So how do you do it?
Build Yourself Up!
BUILD YOURSELF UP! Create your own mantra. A mantra is something that you repeatedly tell yourself. It can be multiple sentences or it can be just one. The mantra is something that you want to tell yourself every day! Here are a couple of examples:
I am capable of trying new things.
If I make a mistake it is an opportunity to learn.
I am beautiful, caring, loving, and worthy.
I don’t have to be an A/B student to make a difference.
No matter what happens in life I am worth it.
I love who you are and who you are becoming.
I am a good person regardless of my mistakes.
My grades do not define me.
I am handsome, kind, and easy-going.
I don’t have to do what my friends are doing. I can just be me.
Forgive Yourself
FORGIVE YOURSELF. If I let my mistakes during my teen years define who I was then I would not be where I am today. We all make mistakes, but the biggest question you have to ask yourself is have I learned from my mistake. If the same mistake keeps happening over and over again that means you have learned the lesson yet! Forgiveness is key though. I had to forgive myself for thinking that I was letting my family down. I had to acknowledge that I was upset with myself for letting myself down. I started telling myself that I’m human and we all make mistakes. I started to try and live a life where I could be happy with myself at the end of the day and if I wasn’t happy with myself how could I make tomorrow a better day.
Heal from the Past
HEAL FROM THE PAST. It could be family problems, friendships that hurt you, or a teacher that seemed to have an issue with you for no reason. Regardless of what has happened in the past, it is important that you work to heal from it. Sometimes people think that to heal you have to forgive someone who hurt you, but sometimes you need to acknowledge that it was out of your control. We can’t help if our parents get a divorce and we can’t control a teacher who doesn’t match with our personality. Yet, we can work on letting go of the past and moving on. If you are struggling with moving forward then you may need counseling support to help you move forward.
Change Your View of Failure
CHANGE YOUR VIEW OF FAILURE. Failure is learning that you need to find a different way of going about something. If you get an F on a test it means that you didn’t know the material. It doesn’t mean that you are stupid or incapable. The problem becomes though too often that teens let their “perceived failures” define who they are. Some of the smartest teens I have ever worked with did not do well in academics. This to me shows that the education system maybe hasn’t caught up with some of the smartest minds. (Read our blog on Tackling Poor Grades In Your Teen: Not Your Typical Approach to find more of my thoughts). To change your view on failure, you should say something positive after making a mistake of or failing at something. If you take a hard class, instead of saying, “I will never get this.” say to yourself “I’m in a hard class but I’m going to keep trying.” If you try something new, instead of saying “I suck.” say to yourself “I’m proud of myself for trying something new.”
Love Yourself How You Want to be Loved
PRACTICE LOVING YOURSELF HOW YOU WOULD WANT TO BE LOVED. Be kind, caring, and thoughtful to yourself. If your inner thoughts are filled with putting yourself down then you have to work on being kind to yourself. No one would want to be treated like a piece of garbage so don’t treat yourself that way. Treat yourself! Don’t wait for someone to buy you candy and flowers. If you love those things, why not buy them for yourself? Why wait?! Practice good hygiene….would you want to date someone who showered every four days? I hope not. Then don’t wait that long to shower yourself. If you like how girls where perfume then look into different colognes. Work on doing the things you like or would want your partner to do! We attract who we are and so if you don’t shower likely you are going to attract someone who doesn’t either. If you talk poorly about yourself, likely you will meet someone who talks poorly to themselves and who will talk poorly to you! Practice what you want!