Sometimes we believe that by pushing it will lead to someone being motivated. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
My husband and I have been working on renovating our home slowly but surely. We decided that we could get this gigantic corner cabinet up the two flights of stairs and down through a narrow hallway. My husband measured, but like most things, not everything goes according to plan! When we first started moving this cabinet I knew we were in for a long awful journey. The cabinet was insanely heavy. The cardboard surrounding the cabinet was loose and it made it very difficult for me to hold. We got it to the second flight of stairs and my husband kept believing if we just keep pushing that we will get it there, but we were wrong. We ended up breaking off one of the doors. My husband said, “Don’t worry I can fix it.” I do believe him, but I sat there wondering afterward if pushing was the best way to go. Pushing sometimes is the worst way to motivate someone and pushing sometimes leads to an unhappy outcome.
With this cabinet experience, it made me think of the teenagers I have met where the parents believed that if they just push their child hard enough that the results would lead to a motivated teenager. Sometimes in order to motivate, we don’t need to keep pushing forward, but it is sitting and regrouping to come up with a better plan that will help us get on the right track. Unfortunately, the usual result is that we have broken our teen down and they no longer feel motivated or confident in their own voice or direction. Their self-esteem is low and we begin to wonder what it will take to get our teen to “get it together”.
The best way to help your teen feel motivated and more excited is honestly, encouragement.
Not the type of encouragement that is tied to a “but you should,” just simply giving them positivity. The phrases you can use are the following:
I know you tried your best and I’m proud of you.
You will get there and I will support you the whole way through!
I’m your biggest fan and that’s all that matters.
Life isn’t about grades! You are a good person.
What do you need from me to help you through this and I will try my best to make it happen.
I will love you no matter what you decide.
It’s your choice, what do you think you should do?
You have everything you need in you to figure out what is best.
You are an amazing kid.
Just try and if it doesn’t work out, well we can go for pizza.
Some lessons are hard to learn and I’m sorry you are going through this right now, but I will be with you every step of the way.
I’m so proud of you and I just wanted to tell you that in case no one else does.
You are wise beyond your years.
That is a great idea.
You have a lot on your plate and I am so impressed with how you are handling it all.
Why should you not point out your teen’s mistakes to motivate them?
We sometimes feel that if we point out the flaws that this will lead our teenagers to correct them, but often it makes teens feel unappreciated, unvalued, disrespected, and angry.
It is crucial during the teen years that they feel they are growing in their independence and competence as this will motivate them the most.
When you believe in yourself, you feel stronger and this motivates you to want to continue to strive forward and gain more responsibility. Therefore, when parents provide their teens with this trust it can help with growth and maturity. If parents show that they do not have a trust in the decision-making skills of their son or daughter this can lead to more anxiety, anger, and an unwillingness to listen.
By building your teen up, you give them solid ground to stand on! They then begin to become more grounded in who they are and the decisions that they make.
Their smile comes out more and they are more MOTIVATED to achieve the goals they set for themselves!
Have Questions?
Have questions that you want to be answered in future blog posts? Send me an email at jessica@davis-smithmentalhealth.com or comment below. I read every email provided to me and I will let you know when to look out for that blog post!
