As counselors we often hear the following statements when it comes to teenage depression:
- My son doesn’t want to go to school anymore.
- I feel like I am losing my daughter.
- My daughter is sleeping all the time.
- I can’t even get my son to do small things like shower and take care of himself.
- She is crying and crying, but she won’t tell me what is going on.
- I ask him one thing and he just gets so angry. I can’t talk to him about anything.
Signs of depression
These are just a few of the things we hear from parents when they call to get counseling for their son’s or daughter’s depressive symptoms. These behaviors should be occurring for two weeks or more for it to potentially be depression. If your teen is only displaying these symptoms every once in a while, then it’s likely manageable by you and your teen. But your teenager may be depressed if you see the following signs in their behavior:
- Irritability
- Not eating or overeating
- Crying spells
- Avoiding things they used to like
- Withdrawing from the family
- No motivation for self-care
- Barely sleeping or sleeping way too much
- Stomach aches and/or headaches
- A drop in completing homework assignments
- Angry outbursts over small changes
Is this just a phase?
Parents often question if this is just a normal phase, as teenagers are given to being moody, taking frequent naps, and snacking all day. But when it starts to impact everyday functioning, then it becomes a problem. For instance, if you are constantly getting into arguments two to three times a week, that is way too often. Or if your son or daughter went from a B student to a D student, that’s not normal or typical behavior. Parents know their kids and when you start to worry more than usual, your instincts are usually right. You are reading this blog for a reason, and it is probably an indicator that you have been concerned for quite some time and are looking for help.
How can I help my child?
Sometimes the best way to help is to start with a conversation. For example, “I noticed that you have been sad more often than usual lately. Do you want to talk about it?” If your son or daughter appears to avoid this conversation it may be that they are afraid to tell you or are afraid of how you will handle it. They may also be afraid of disappointing you. Often parents have just asked, “Do you want to talk to someone else about how you are feeling?” This can help teens feel better because they know their parents care and they are excited to get some help.
You can have your son or daughter see a counselor, but you can also have them talk to an aunt or uncle or a close family friend. If the problems become too overwhelming for their chosen mentor, then that person should recommend counseling. Though we think the safest bet for all parties is a counselor, sometimes just talking to an adult they can trust, but who is not one of their parents, is just as effective. We do recommend making sure there are rules set in place, however, so that neither your teen nor their relationship with this mentor are hurt due to what is shared.
What if my teen says they don’t want help?
Don’t stop bringing it up or offering options. Sometimes teens can be just as stubborn as we are! 🙂 It’s hard to open up to a stranger and it helps to understand that. In the meantime, the goal would be to try to get them active and not isolating themselves. The more we avoid daily life, the worse we feel. Try implementing family time together, or no electronics time, to help with improving their mood. You can also have your son or daughter join an activity, get a job, or participate in a youth group.
It really doesn’t matter what the activity is; you just want them up and moving more. If they are unwilling to do more, then you can start by going to counseling for parenting support. This may help your teen see that you are committed to trying new things, which can open the door to them trying a counseling session as well.
