Have you ever been in a situation in school where you feel like you’re asking everyone around you about their test score? Do you find yourself feeling more at ease or prideful when you find that you did better than someone else? You may be joining in a competition of who’s getting the better grades. This can be leading you down a road of stress and perfectionism.
A Story of Competing for Good Grades
Ally was always a great student. She often studied very diligently, putting her studies before everything else in her life. She often got an A or high B average and many admired her for it. Her friends would often tell her that she shouldn’t stress over exams because they already know she will at least a B. Ally was, however, struggling with math. She did not want her friends to know. Thinking it could hurt her reputation, she could not let it be known she was suffering a C average trying to get through her calculus class.
One day she had a big exam coming up. She knew she was not fully prepared because she did not understand the material. She tried her best to study and ask questions in class but knew this test would be a rough one. She completed the test and turned it in with a sigh of relief that it was over. The next day the tests were returned to each of the students. Her test was turned over when another student yanked it off her desk to exclaim that she must have been the student that got the only A.
Struggling with her Grade
Ally was horrified that the other student looked at her score. She knew she did poorly, but the other student had now made it public that she no longer holds her A status as a student. The other student was shocked to see that Ally got a D. The other student nagged her. He teased her that even he got a better score than she did. Ally immediately began to cry and feel the anxiety build in her chest. She could not believe the student that never tries in class and often goofs off could get a better grade than she.
Ally decided to talk to her school counselor. The counselor explained that everyone has their weaknesses and not everyone can be good at every subject. Ally was not fond of the counselor’s answer but knew where she was coming from. Maybe it was possible to still be a good student but not always make the grades. The counselor said that comparing oneself to other students and having perfectionistic expectations are not healthy and can build anxiety. Ally had noticed she had felt some anxiety lately but wasn’t sure why, so this all made sense to her.
Not Every Subject is Easy for Everyone
The importance of this story is to understand that not every subject is going to be easy for each teen. There are going to be those certain classes that just don’t come easy. This story shows that competing and comparing grades with each other can be damaging and lead to hurt self-esteem and anxiety. It is important to be gentle with oneself. Also important is to be gentle with your teen if they struggle in certain classes. Like Ally, it is important that they talk to their teachers and school counselor to get extra support if they feel they are struggling.
Ten Tips for Coping with Grades
Here are a couple of helpful tips to remember:
- Perfection is not realistic: Keep your goals attainable and within limits.
- It is human to make mistakes. Everyone does.
- Not everyone’s learning style or interests are the same.
- No matter what grade you get, it is the effort that counts.
- You’re on your own learning journey. Focus on you and try not to get distracted by other’s achievements or downfalls.
- If you don’t succeed at first, keep on trying.
- Be easy on yourself: It takes mistakes to learn
- You won’t always get it on the first try.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help from teachers, counselors, or parents.
- If it doesn’t matter 10 years from now, is it worth stressing over?
Letting Go of Competition
With these tips and Ally’s story in mind, you can be on your way to better learning and self-care. You can also not allow grades to make you feel like you’re running a race against everyone else in your classes. It is ok to learn at the pace that works best for you! Mistakes will happen, but it is important to continue to try and give it your best shot!
