Have you ever been in an argument with a friend or other peers, and not known how to handle it? Many fear conflict and avoid it at all costs. Many times people don’t know what to say or do if they disagree. The opposite can also happen where things are said that are hurtful, and names are called.
Everyone Argues
Everyone is human, everyone argues, and not everyone will agree all the time. The truth is there is no perfect solution to dealing with conflict. Yet there are tips you can use to keep yourself calm and verbalize your thoughts with respect and courage.
Tips to Help Deal with Conflict
- Listen: hear the other person out without speaking. Let the person talk. Listen to understand why they are upset without answering them right away.
- Take a deep breath: walk away from the conflict and ask for time to take a breather. Wait until you feel calmer before approaching the person you are in an argument with. This will help you to think less emotionally, and prevent you from boiling over.
- Identify the source of the conflict: the more information you have about the cause of the conflict the easier it will be to talk it out. Ask yourself or the other person, “How did this fight begin?”
- Look beyond the conflict: Often each person in the conflict has their own perspective on the situation. Consider asking the other person, “What do you think happened here?” or “When do you think the problem between us first emerged?”
- Request solutions: After acknowledging to one another each of your perspectives, ask “How can I make things better with you?” or “How can we come to agree or to disagree peacefully?” Try to avoid using finger pointing or accusatory language. Try just listening, and waiting to give input once they have finished talking.
- Agreement: try to come to what both of you are agreeable to with settling the argument. Consider asking, “How can we avoid this fight/situation in the future?”
- Apologize and acknowledge: It is a huge pride issue for many to be able to apologize, but the other person will respect you for it. If you determine you were in the wrong, consider apologizing and asking the other person for forgiveness.
- Forgive: It is never easy to forgive someone who has caused hurt, but it is the best thing you can do to move on. Forgive the person, and let it go the best you can. Try not to hold a grudge against them if the situation has been talked about.
- Learn: Reflect and process the event in your private time. Consider the things that worked when you talked out the conflict with your peer or friend. Also, consider things you could have changed.
- Grace: Give yourself grace and a break. Fights and arguments happen, especially among people that are closest to us. Conflict teaches people about themselves, their hot buttons, the other person’s hot buttons, and the ability to stand for something. People make mistakes, and that is ok! Give the other person the same grace you give yourself.
Working Through Conflict Improves Relationships
Conflict can be scary, and uncomfortable. Yet it does bring opportunities to grow yourself and your relationships by working through it. It is ok to disagree with others, but it is important to speak with respect, empathy, and consideration of the other person’s feelings. It takes practice, but in time handling conflict will be less daunting.
